Welcome back to another episode of the Good Girls and Goddesses series! Today we're exploring something that hits close to home for many of us – perfectionism and the crushing weight it can place on our shoulders.
I have to be honest – this topic feels especially relevant to me right now. I'm currently travelling and visiting family, which means my usually predictable London schedule has been completely turned upside down. By the time I wake up on LA time, half the day in London is already over, and I find myself in this constant state of feeling behind, like I'm always playing catch-up. There's this nagging voice telling me I didn't get things done when I was "supposed to."
But here's the thing I keep having to remind myself: there is no "supposed to." Things will get done when they need to get done, and we actually can't miss anything that's truly meant for us.
When Human Mistakes Meet Impossible Standards
On this week’s Good Girls and Goddesses, I shared a powerful clip from the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: America’s Sweethearts documentary that perfectly illustrates what I mean. In this scene, we see Kelli arriving late to a team fitting because she looked at the wrong attachment in an email –honestly, the most human mistake imaginable. But the response from the coaching staff is anything but understanding.
What strikes me most about this moment is the complete lack of acknowledgment that this is a normal, human error. Kelli is dealing with learning countless dances, managing multiple schedules, and navigating an incredibly high-pressure environment. Yet there's no room for grace, no space for the reality that humans sometimes make simple mistakes.
The message is crystal clear: be perfect or go home. There's no middle ground, no learning curve, no humanity allowed.
The Emotional Weight of Perfectionism
Kelli's reaction is natural and completely heartbreaking. She becomes emotional – which is understandable – but then immediately questions herself for having feelings about it. "I shouldn't be getting emotional about something like this," she says, and my heart just breaks for her.
Here's what's happening beneath the surface: Kelly knows that this simple mistake could literally cost her everything. As one of the other women points out, "A slap on the wrist could mean you're literally not on the team." When the stakes are that high, when there's zero tolerance for human error, of course there's going to be intense emotion attached to every potential misstep.
This is the perfectionist trap in action. Every small mistake becomes magnified into a potential catastrophe because we're operating in an environment – whether external or internal – that demands nothing less than flawless performance.
The Good Girl's Dilemma
As a recovering Good Girl myself, this resonates deeply. That perfectionist voice inside us is intense, it's loud, and frankly, it can be incredibly mean. What I've learned through my own journey is that underneath that harsh perfectionist is usually a very tender part of us that's absolutely terrified of getting it wrong.
The invitation – and this is the work I want to share with you today – is to explore what belief is underneath that fear. What do we actually think is going to happen if we don't do this thing perfectly?
For each of us, the answer will be different because the perfectionist is protecting us against some consequence that's unique to our own story and experiences.
Getting to the Root of the Fear
Let me share my own example. My perfectionist developed from a belief I formed very early in life that if I wasn't perfect, my Dad might leave. I grew up without a father initially, dealing with attachment anxiety and abandonment issues, and somewhere along the way, I internalized this message that I was already on thin ice when it came to being worthy of love.
The logic went something like this: "I'm already not worthy enough – that's why my Dad wasn't there from the beginning. I'm on very shaky ground here, so if I don't do everything perfectly, I might be abandoned again."
The fear of being left was what fuelled my perfectionism. That harsh inner voice wasn't trying to torture me – it was trying to protect me from what it perceived as the ultimate threat: being alone.
The Path to Freedom
The beautiful thing about bringing these unconscious beliefs into the light of our awareness is that we can examine them with our adult wisdom and often discover that what our inner child believed was either outdated or never actually true in the first place.
For me, I now understand that the most important relationship in my life is the one I have with myself. I know that if people leave my life, it means they weren't meant to be there in the first place – and that's actually okay. I'm not that scared little girl anymore who believed her worthiness was conditional on perfect performance.
The Practice: Going Deeper Than the Perfectionist
Here is the exercise I want to offer you: the next time you notice your perfectionist getting activated, instead of fighting it or judging yourself for having it, try this approach:
- First, identify the perfectionist. Notice when that voice shows up, demanding flawless performance and catastrophizing about potential mistakes.
- Second, go deeper. Ask yourself: "What is this perfectionist trying to protect me from? What does it think will happen if I'm not perfect?"
- Third, allow the emotion. That tenderness underneath the perfectionist is bringing up something that really wants to be seen and met. Don't rush past the feelings – they're giving you important information.
- Finally, examine the belief. Look at what your inner child decided was true about the world, about love, about worthiness. Ask yourself if this belief still serves you or if it's time for an update.
When we can reassure that tender part of ourselves and revise those limiting beliefs, we start to loosen the grip that perfectionism has on our lives. We create space for greater ease and, yes, much more joy.
A Personal Note on Imperfection
I want to be clear – there's absolutely no judgment from me in sharing this exploration. I have tremendous respect and awe for the strength of all these women in the documentary. They're navigating an incredibly demanding environment, and their resilience is remarkable.
As we continue through this series, you'll see that the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders don't just reflect Good Girl archetypes. There's plenty of Goddess energy in there too – women standing in their power, supporting each other, and refusing to be diminished.
Moving Forward with Grace
As I wrap up this week’s exploration in my slightly chaotic, time-zone-confused state, I'm reminded that this is exactly the kind of real-life messiness that perfectionism wants to control. But sometimes the most authentic, meaningful work happens when we're not operating from our perfectly organized, predictable spaces.
I hope this exploration has been useful and interesting for you. Remember, the goal isn't to eliminate all standards or stop caring about excellence. It's about creating space between our worth as human beings and our performance, between our inherent value and our ability to execute everything flawlessly.
Thank you for joining me on this journey of exploring these archetypes together. I'll be back in London next week, which means my schedule will return to something more predictable – but honestly, I'm learning to find the beauty in the unpredictable too.
Wishing you all a wonderful weekend and a week filled with grace for your perfectly imperfect human self. See you next time!