Welcome back to another episode of Good Girls and Goddesses, where we explore why the Good Girl isolates herself when she needs connection the most.
When We Make Our Problems Bigger Than Our People
This week's clip shows Dallas Cowboys cheerleader Maddie and her boyfriend discussing their relationship struggles during training camp. The way she's completely withdrawn from him while drowning in her own stress was painfully familiar - a pattern I've witnessed in my own life.
Her boyfriend mentions that they maybe talk for 10 minutes a day, and even during those brief moments, she's still practicing or thinking about practice. He's telling her she's amazing, but her perspective is more self-critical, showing a perfectionist streak: "You don't get it - I might be good in our small town, but this is the big leagues"
The Good Girl in me recognized that pattern immediately, and it was both heartbreaking and illuminating.
The Four Ways We Sabotage Our Own Support System
Watching this unfold, I could see exactly how the Good Girl archetype manifests in real time, and how we can approach her appearance with kindness and grace:
1. We Stop Showing Up for the People Who Matter
When we're in the midst of something challenging - whether it's training camp, a demanding career transition, or any major life shift - everything else starts to feel less important. But our relationships cannot survive on fragments of attention.
That 10-minute phone call while mentally rehearsing choreography isn't connection - it's going through the motions. And the people we care about can sense the difference. I've made this mistake repeatedly throughout my life, believing I could put my relationships on pause until I resolved my immediate challenges. But relationships are a two-way street, and they need us just as much as the other aspects of our lives.
How we can shift this pattern: Whether we can see this in the moment or not, there is always time to allow the closest people in our lives in, to connect with them and keep them close. Even 10 minutes a couple of times a week can be enough to ensure that the connection isn't damaged by the rest of our busy lives.
2. We Become the Star of Our Own Tragic Drama
Maddie's response to her boyfriend's encouragement was particularly revealing. He's attempting to remind her of her talent, and instead of receiving that support, she's essentially saying, "You couldn't possibly understand my unique circumstances."
Perhaps he can't understand exactly what it means to compete among the most skilled dancers from across the country. But dismissing his perspective entirely is classic good girl behavior - we make our struggles so specific and overwhelming that we convince ourselves no one else could possibly relate or offer meaningful guidance.
I've observed this pattern in myself more often than I care to acknowledge. "You don't understand, my situation is different." But sometimes the people who love us can see possibilities we cannot because we're too immersed in the challenge.
How we can shift this pattern: If we can allow for the possibility that our loved ones' perspectives are valid and could indeed be true, it can serve to loosen the grip of our self-critical, highly perfectionist perspective, providing space for a softer, more supportive approach.
3. We Reject the Very Thing We're Desperately Seeking
In this dynamic, her boyfriend is offering something she most certainly needs - validation, support, unwavering belief in her abilities. But she's pushing it away because it doesn't align with her internal narrative of struggle and inadequacy.
The people who love us often recognize our strength precisely when we can only perceive our limitations. They're reflecting back our capabilities and worth, but we're so consumed by fear and self-doubt that we cannot receive their gift.
How we can shift this pattern: Sometimes the most transformative thing we can do is actually trust what our loved ones see in us, especially when we cannot see it ourselves.
4. We Create the Very Isolation We're Trying to Escape
This is perhaps the most devastating and intractable aspect of this pattern. When we consistently distance ourselves because we believe we're "protecting" others from our problems or because we assume they "wouldn't understand" we end up creating separation in the very relationships that could sustain us through difficult times.
I've witnessed this pattern play out repeatedly - in my own experience and in working with women who get so focused on handling everything independently that they inadvertently push away the people who genuinely want to support them. Then we find ourselves wondering why we feel so profoundly alone.
How we can shift this pattern: Sometimes letting others into our busy and sometimes difficult moments in life is the most vulnerable, and the strongest, thing we can do. We just need to take the leap rather than falling into past patterns and keeping them locked out.
What I Would Want Every Woman to Understand
If I could have a conversation with Maddie - or with any woman caught in this cycle - here's what I would want her to know:
Your struggles don't have to be a solo journey. Yes, you're facing something demanding, and perhaps no one else has walked your exact path. But that doesn't mean they cannot walk alongside you with understanding and support.
That person who believes in you isn't offering empty platitudes. They're recognizing something real and valuable. Their perspective could be exactly the encouragement you didn't realize you needed.
I think about all the moments in my own life when I was convinced I had to navigate everything alone, only to later understand that the people around me had been offering precisely the support I was craving. But I was too afraid, too proud, or too convinced of my own isolation to receive it.
The Goddess Understands Interdependence
Through years of this work, I've come to understand that the goddess archetype embraces vulnerability as strength. She doesn't view asking for support as weakness - she recognizes it as wisdom. She understands that we exist in relationship with others, and that allowing people to love and support us is actually a gift to them as well.
The Goddess would have approached that phone call with presence and openness. She would have shared her fears authentically and allowed her boyfriend to hold space for them. She would have received his words of encouragement not as dismissal of her challenges, but as genuine recognition of her capabilities.
And quite possibly, she would have performed with greater confidence because of that support. When we feel truly seen and supported, we show up differently in every aspect of our lives.
But the Goddess also knows that this level of connection is a process, and she understands that the good girl's patterns often come after years of being let down by the ones who love her the most. Allowing for a different experience takes courage - and the Goddess holds space for that.
We Are Designed for Connection
This transformation isn't simple work. I still notice my good girl tendencies trying to handle everything independently, still have moments where I convince myself that no one could possibly understand my particular challenges. But I've learned that those moments are usually signals that I need to reach out, not withdraw further.
We are fundamentally social beings, which means we are designed for connection and mutual support. We need each other - not only during the celebratory moments, but especially during the challenging ones. The people who choose to remain in our lives want to support us through our struggles, not despite them.
So if you're navigating your own version of training camp right now, feeling overwhelmed and tempted to handle everything alone, consider this your reminder: isolation is not strength. The people in your life aren't there by coincidence. They're there because they recognize something in you worth supporting.
Allow them to love you through it. The results might surprise you.
---
Thank you for joining me for this exploration - these patterns feel crucial to examine and understand. If you're ready to delve deeper into this work and connect with our community of women supporting each other through this transformation, I would love to welcome you.
Until next time, remember: the people who care about you are there for a reason. Let them be present for your journey.