In this second edition of Good Girls and Goddesses, GGTG founder Sabrina Fox explored why the Good Girl would rather burn out than ask for support – and how we can break the habit.
In the latest recording of Good Girls and Goddesses, I shared a clip from Netflix's "America's Sweethearts: Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders," where we hear one young woman explain how, despite feeling lonely and struggling at times, she wouldn’t ask for help.
It brought to mind for me this whole pattern we get caught in where we feel like we have to do everything ourselves. You know that feeling, right? Where asking for help feels like admitting defeat?
In the episode, there was this incredibly raw moment that just stopped me in my tracks. One of the cheerleaders was sharing her daily reality juggling three (maybe four!) different jobs just to make ends meet while pursuing her dream of being a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader.
But what really got to me wasn't just the overwhelming schedule. It was when she said, "It's sometimes like a lonely time 'cause you do want help and you do wanna ask for help, but it's also so hard when you're so overwhelmed... to have that time to even ask for help and explain to someone what you need."
I felt so much of myself in those words, and I bet you did too.
The Good Girl's Impossible Standards
Here's what I see happening – and trust me, I've been there myself. The Good Girl archetype has us believing that if we can't handle everything on our own, we're somehow failing. We pile responsibility after responsibility onto our plates, and when we start drowning, instead of reaching out, we just...start swimming harder.
But here's the thing that I now know to be true – humans aren't meant to do life alone. We're designed to be interdependent. We're supposed to lean on each other, support each other, and yes, ask for help when we need it.
Yet something in us resists this so deeply. There's this voice that whispers, "If you were really capable, you wouldn't need help." But that voice is not telling us the truth.
The Hidden Cost of Going It Alone
When we refuse to ask for help, we're not just exhausting ourselves (though we definitely are doing that). We're actually depriving the people who love us of the opportunity to show up for us.
Think about it – when someone you care about asks you for help, don't you feel honored that they trusted you enough to reach out? Don't you feel good about being able to support them?
That's exactly what we're taking away from others when we insist on handling everything ourselves.
And there's another layer here – in our rush to help everyone else (because we Good Girls are amazing problem-solvers), we end up taking on responsibilities that aren't even ours. We see someone struggling and immediately jump in to fix it for them. But sometimes – and this is hard to hear – we might actually be robbing them of their own growth opportunity.
I know my 18-year-old would probably appreciate me stepping back a bit more often! We all need the chance to flex our problem-solving muscles and learn from our own experiences.
The Vulnerability of Asking
I get it – sometimes asking for help feels like it would take more energy than just doing the thing ourselves. I've been at that crossroads thinking, "By the time I explain what I need and get someone up to speed, I could have already finished this."
But here's what I've learned: that first ask might feel like more work, but it's an investment. Maybe the second time will be easier. Maybe you'll end up teaching someone a skill they'll love using. Maybe you'll create a system that saves you hours down the line.
And even if none of that happens? Even if it's just that one time someone helps you with that one thing? You still deserve that support simply because you're human.
Feeling the Feelings Without Letting Them Run the Show
I'm not going to lie to you. The first few times I asked for help, I felt this wave of shame wash over me. That voice in my head was loud:"You should be able to handle this. What's wrong with you?"
But here's what I've learned about transitioning from that Good Girl pattern into Goddess energy – we don't have to wait for those uncomfortable feelings to go away before we act. We can feel the shame, acknowledge it as old conditioning, and ask for help anyway.
Those feelings of guilt or self-criticism? They're just echoes from the past. They don't get to make decisions for us anymore.
Your Right to Support
Hear this clearly: Asking for support is your right as a human being. Full stop.
You don't have to earn it by being overwhelmed enough. You don't have to prove you've tried everything else first. You don't have to apologize for needing what every single person on this planet needs –connection, help, and community.
Moving Forward with Grace
So how do we break free from this pattern? It starts with small steps:
- Notice when you're about to automatically say "yes" to taking something on that could be shared
- Practice asking for tiny bits of help to build up your comfort with it
- Remember that teaching someone else to help you is still help, even if it takes time upfront
- Allow yourself to feel those uncomfortable emotions without letting them stop you
- Remind yourself that interdependence is human, not weakness
A Final Reflection
I'd love for you to take a moment and think about where this shows up in your own life. Where are you carrying more than you need to? Who in your life would probably jump at the chance to support you if you just asked?
And remember – sometimes our best effort is simply good enough. We don't have to be perfect. We just have to be beautifully, imperfectly human.
The Good Girl in you might always whisper that you should handle everything alone. But the Goddess in you knows that asking for help is actually an act of courage, trust, and love – both for yourself and for the people who care about you.
You're doing amazing. You're worthy of support. And you absolutely deserve all the help, love, and ease that life has to offer.
Photo by Danie Franco on Unsplash.